All lyrics © R.L.John 2005.
You
never had the right,
Removing me from paradise.
Your path removed the light,
Rendering me colour-blind.
But now I'll speak,
Since I've become my own again,
And now I'll leave,
Since I've become my own, again.
Your cursed blood no longer flows,
Within my veins and through my soul.
And your domain is overthrown,
Your rights have been revoked and so I'll..
Make you see,
My mind become my own again.
And as I leave,
I have become my own, again.
There
was a time when I'd follow; there was a time when I’d
propose.
Those were the days wherein I shone, but I'll never be
that man again.
There was a day when I'd resent, revelling in my own descent.
Those were the days when I knew myself; you'll not do
this to me again.
I seek things I no longer show,
I speak of things that you don't understand
And I dread to see the day when you are made to feel the
way I do.
And the reason lies, behind your eyes,
That I fear, that I fear.
And the reason lies, behind your eyes,
And I fear, that I fear.
Now that time has come,
And I find myself on my own.
And I've realised,
Its far to late in my life, for you to save me.
Suppose
its time for you to leave,
You can hang on to your key.
Leave a message on my phone,
So I know you've gotten home.
Its not your fault its come to this,
I'm afraid your judgement merely slipped.
And here's the simple reason why,
I couldn't hate you if I tried,
Cos after all, you're just one girl,
And people make mistakes, and people's hearts do break.
And after all, I'm just one man.
And I did all I could, did everything I should.
I just can't be hard on you,
Not really sure what I’m supposed to do.
There isn't anything to say,
Don't feel like talking anyway.
Suppose I wonder why it is,
I want to blame myself for this.
And though I know its not my fault,
Somehow feel that I'm in the wrong,
Cos after all, you’re just one girl,
And people make mistakes, and people's hearts do break.
And after all, I'm just one man.
And I did all I could, did everything I should.
I
can’t hide my mistakes,
But bullet wounds can be replaced.
Through decency I hide my scars,
Through decency I hide my face.
Promise me I’ll find a way,
Sick of being so afraid.
Replace the negatives of me,
I’m powerful and I’ll make you see.
For an age I sought revenge,
In only this you wish me well.
The culprit’s face is clear to me,
The perfect secret I can’t tell.
Harder things occur by far,
And I’ve been learning what they are.
I’m waiting for the start to end,
I’m waiting for the end to start. Answer my prayers,
I won’t make the same mistake again.
Won’t you answer my prayers?
I won’t make the same mistake again.
The same mistake again.
Dried
flowers gone away.
They're asking questions. The answers still the same:
Don't bother, don't go there, don't ask me, just leave
it.
Don't worry me, today.
Set my alarm for 8 o'clock.
Waited at the station but the train didn't stop.
I wrapped my coat round me, stood up, and walked away.
Where were you baby, that day?
I left my flowers at the grave, yesterday.
The petals have gone, winter told its tale,
I'm holding your small hand, encasing, supporting.
Don't worry baby, today.
What it was I cannot say.
But it stood in front of us, and then took you away.
To this day, I wake up, I miss you, and it hurts inside.
Where are you baby, today?
You
force the bread into my mouth, cos I won't eat.
You cut the chains from round my wrists, but I don't leave.
You read me stories, sing me songs, cos I won't sleep.
Remove the daylight, do me wrong, think I don't see.
You will not move me from where I stand,
You will not move me.
You will not move me from where I stand,
You will not move me.
Present a freedom I can reach, but isn't real.
Try run my soul into the ground, but I don't feel.
Condemn my actions, spit on me, cos I won't speak.
I'll bide my time for what its worth, until I cease to
be.
You will not move me from where I stand,
You will not move me.
You will not move me from where I stand,
You will not move me.
You will not move me from where I stand,
You will not move me.
You will not move me from where I stand,
You will not move me.
You'd
be forgiven, for thinking me a fool,
But I'm no idiot, just because I feel the way I do.
For once its not my fault, for once I can admit,
That its all down to you.
But how much adoration does it always take,
For you to realise how I feel?
If you can't see the passion that I hold for you,
I fear that this may be my ruin.
I can't face living, not until I've seen this through,
May sound melo-dramatic, but everything I say is true.
And I was never lonely, not until my eyes saw you.
So how much adoration will it always take,
For you to realise how feel?
If you can't see the passion that I hold for you,
I fear that this may be my ruin.
I hate the way your eyes seem to reflect,
But your lips always reject the thing I long for.
I hate it that I don't know where I stand, though you're
laying in my hands
And its breaking me.
My body can't forget, the first time that ours met,
And its killing me.
I'm thinking that I’ll just have to accept, that
I'm wrong and you're correct
Though it pains me to say.
So no more adoration will it always take, for you to realise
how I feel
Cos now you see the passion that I hold for you,
And I hope that you'll prevent my ruin.
So no more adoration will it always take, for you to realise
how I feel
Cos now you see the passion that I hold for you,
And I hope that you'll prevent my ruin. My ruin. My ruin.
Can
I make myself cleaner? Cleaner than everyone.
Couldn't be any clearer? How rotten I've become.
Once upon a time, wrote a story, all about a life less
ordinary.
Wanted to expose a truth, no wonder that I found myself
living out a life less ordinary,
Hear me when I say that you're a long time dead, until
your death is reassuringly complete,
But indiscrete and is a way that’s kinda weird, obsolete.
Now you're ready to grasp your own eternity,
Ready to adopt the newer rules and act accordingly.
Once I had a name, and that name meant oh so much to oh
so few, so very few,
But still I knew of its importance to them all. But now
these things have changed,
And I've resorted to a face, a bitter face, condemning
all who cannot see what I've become.
Was a selfish act, but who are we, if we cannot believe
in our own selves,
Or even anything which helps us all believe. Only then
can you grasp your own eternity,
Ready to adopt a bitter face and fuck conformity.
When I breathe, I breathe more deeply than you breathe.
And when I see, I see far further than you see.
And when I run, I run much faster than you can.
And when I'm still, I am more still than you can be.
Can I make myself cleaner?
Couldn't be any clearer.
Can I make myself cleaner?
Its
not, what it should have been my friend.
Why can't, I get used to it my friend?
And I knew then, once your door had closed, I'd never
fall asleep.
With you in my arms, to awake and see your face again.
And I'll remember you sitting there,
Your perfect eyes and long dark hair.
Waiting for you to ask,
Why I'm still around.
Its not, what it could have been my friend.
And I'm afraid I've broken things that I can't mend.
But I'll be damned, if I’ll let you take one step
outside my life.
Yeah I’ll be damned, if I'll let this friendship
waste away.
Cos I'll remember you sitting there,
Your perfect eyes and long dark hair.
And I'll not be afraid,
If you're still around.
I
left my life on hold for you my god
And now look where I've ended up.
I can't believe that you'd have wished for this,
Are all you intentions this fucked up?
To lead a life I've found you need a life,
So you can screw religion yeah.
But I'll keep your ideals in my mind,
While I find my own yeah.
I've held my breath 'til close to death my god,
And it was never good enough.
How you condone self harm I'll never know,
At first you pushed and then you shoved.
You maintain lives while you sharpen knives,
Purely to bleed our souls yeah.
But I'll keep your ideals in my mind,
While I bleed my own yeah.
And you can go your own way,
And take with you my insecurities.
Cos now I've found my own place,
Your ideals are just no use to me.
Yeah you can go your own way,
And take with you your inadequacy.
I'm not afraid to look you in the face,
Because my god you can no longer be.
Its
the pain in my chest, the knife buried deep in my soul.
Its the noose round my neck, the stake that I'm tethered
to,
Its the gun my hand, its everything I can't control.
Its the family you'd hate, the name that you'd have disowned,
Its the years without sound, the worthless possession,
The careless indignity, the straight-jacket I've outgrown.
And I'm sick to death, sick of these feelings,
Sick of my voice, sick of breathing,
So I'll take control, run until I'm outside,
Never ever stop until I'm what I wanted to be.
Until I'm what I wanted to be.
But I'm anchored down, stuck in this position,
Fighting these constraints, less by each addition.
And its me that rusts, crumbling into nothing,
And it ain't gonna stop until I'm what I wanted to be.
Until I'm what I wanted to be.
Expressions
a waste if you can't seem to make any sound,
I'm lying awake, but I'm buried six feet under ground.
Lifting dead weight in an effort to make myself move,
Screaming in silence 'Oh what am I trying to prove?'
Pray for a day when these chains will be gently unwound,
Forever below cos I know that I'll never be found.
I've retained some semblance of life though I'll never
know how,
No place in heaven my prayers are no longer allowed.
I hear the religious amongst you confound and condemn,
By your own definition of righteousness I define hell.
You'll never amount to what you claim to be in the end,
You're nothing but men amongst boys and but boys amongst
men.
Its come to that crucial point where I just don't give
a damn,
Content to be humane and content to remain what I am.
So I banish you fools from my head now I'm out of your
hands,
Far too late, but upon my horizons I'm going to stand.
Going to stand.
She
leaves the light on in her room; I never like to knock
in case she's sleeping.
For in her dreams, I creep inside and lay beside the spirit
that I'd die for.
This dream grew tall but now its felled, taken away from
us though I think its just as well.
Cos I'm, growing old, though time stands still, more tired
every day and it'll carry on until
I see,
Until I feel.
Until I know,
Until I've reached her.
I've heard them say its not like you, but I was never
what those people thought they knew.
The things I feared would have now come true, yet all
the eyes around will be looking down on you.
I found my heaven in your eyes, felt content inside though
I wish you'd realised.
My God helps those who help themselves, but now the worst
has come and I'm just an empty shell.
Cos I see,
Cos I feel.
Cos I know,
Cos I've reached you.
Cos I see,
Cos I feel.
Cos I know,
Cos I've reached you.
Crucified
by my addiction, dignity on one condition,
Why it is guess time will tell, guess time is telling
you as well.
I'm human by my own admission, not my choice or my decision,
Hold my breath and count to ten, a sorry state but what
the hell.
Underestimated my affliction, falsified my one ambition,
Time overtook me in the past, so I knew back then it couldn't
last,
If you were put in my position, you'd have made the same
decisions,
And I'd make these mistakes again, if it brought me back
here in the end.
(Come try and break me) If you have the right to.
(Come try and kill me) Do what you have to.
(Come try and break me) If you have the right to.
(Come try and kill me).
Divided in my devastation, half awake from the consumption,
Sorry for this sorry soul, sorry cos you'll never know.
From the nightmare I'll awaken, bollocks to the time its
taken.
A second chance to start again, not worth the effort but
I might as well.
Crucified by my addiction, dignity on one condition,
Why it is guess time will tell, guess time is telling
you as well.
I'm human by my own admission, not my choice or my decision,
Hold my breath and count to ten, a sorry state but what
the hell.
(Come try and break me) If you have the right to.
(Come try and kill me) Do what you have to.
(Come try and break me) If you have the right to.
(Come try and kill me).
(Come try and break me) If you have the right to.
(Come try and kill me) Do what you have to.
(Come try and break me) If you have the right to.
(Come try and kill me).
Prevent
ill thoughts of days gone by, then convince your own mind
not to make yourself louder,
Louder and louder again.
With wrongs undone you're pacified, now be your own inspiration
to realise you're older.
Older and older again.
Reveal the things which keep you here, and find a good
reason to take yourself further,
Further and further away.
Conform to the prevailing wind, but resist the temptation
to bowl yourself over,
Over and over again.
Cos one day you will see, yes I'm sure you will see,
And one day you will be, yes I'm sure one day you will
be.
So Conform to the prevailing wind, but resist the temptation
to bowl yourself over,
Over and over again,
And reveal the things which keep you here and find a good
reason to take yourself further,
Further and further away.
You
ask why it is that I’m so tired; I haven’t the
energy to reply.
I ask why it is that you’re so cold inside.
Oh yeah you can scream to your hearts content, I meant
every single word I said.
You know at the end of the day that the problem ain’t
mine.
I’ll be damned if I can understand this part of me,
And I’m inclined to throw aside these tests you put
to me.
Can’t understate the torment in me.
What’s so very wrong with me?
Will there never be a time when I’m, not struggling
for the strength to keep my mind.
Better hope for an afterlife where I live my dreams.
I Wish you could have known this part of me, but you disappeared
too soon it seems.
And I long for that one precious chance where I could
just be me.
Am I condemned if I can’t figure out this part of
me?
Cos I’m inclined to exercise my own philosophies
Can’t understate the torment in me.
What’s so very wrong with me?
The
young man sitting in the armchair knows no-ones gonna
go there.
Trapped inside longing for the girl with the dark hair.
In his padded wall asylum, locked away wishing she would
come and rescue him.
I wish she’d rescue him.
His old life ended long ago still he never gave up searching.
Buried alive by his only method of escaping.
Thought he’d found the simple answer.
In this far away place where he could deal with anything
Whilst he lost everything.
Frustrated and alone he’d sing, clutching his knees
to his chin.
Free for once, free to dream aloud of what he wants more
than anything.
I was that man sat there in that room who thought nobody
would go there.
Only pacified by memories of the girl with the dark hair.
In my desolate confinement, I lost track of the person
that I used to be.
And all that mattered to me.
Frustrated and alone I’d sing, clutching my knees
to my chin,
Free for once, free to dream aloud of what I wanted more
than anything.
I
found my very own Achilles heal, and through the years,
I’ve become addicted to my Nemeses.
To my mind my discipline is kinda weak, yet reluctantly,
I’ve taken possession of my tortured soul.
Witness my dreams as they’re laid to rest,
(If only I could stop time)
Still having nightmares I can’t comprehend.
(Make this dimension mine)
In hindsight I can see, your reasoning, but I could not
prevent,
You becoming a martyr to your deficit.
In my eyes, we lacked desire, I can see it now, but I
couldn’t then.
So close the box ‘cos all the hope’s expired.
Witness my dreams as they’re laid to rest,
(If only I could stop time)
Still having nightmares I can’t comprehend.
(Make this dimension mine)
Took me forever just to reach this place where I’m
unconscious.
Despise the fear and despite this I’m dreading waking
up.
Took me forever just to reach this place where I’m
unconscious,
(Witness my dreams as they’re laid to rest)
Despise the fear and despite this I’m dreading waking
up.
(Still having nightmares I can’t comprehend)
If only I….
If only I could stop time.
If only I….
If only I could stop time.
Make this dimension mine.
Too
soft and uptight, unafraid but contrite
Yeah I’m all these things.
Been like this too long to change.
Too far gone unaligned, under weight, unrefined
Yeah I’m all these things.
Been like this too long to change.
Now I’m struggling to find one damn reason why,
I’m all these things.
Have I been like this too long to change?
Too inept, undermined, hiding away in my mind,
Yeah I’m all these things.
But why the hell must I change?
And you, continue hoping, one day I’ll be,
Everything you want of me.
Keep on resisting, the temptation,
Just to leave.
